Family ties in Islam

In today’s modern life, values have turned upside down, family life, that was always the very heart of society is attacked just as much as many other handed-down traditions.Yet, neither socialism nor any other “isms” will ever be able to oust what has been implanted into human nature, the need of social ties and the warmness of ties of blood that Allah has ordered us to maintain.

In Muslim world family life with all its aspects concerning not only husband, wife and children, but all other relatives too, is so firmly established by tradition as well as by religious law that it could not be affected seriously.

It is the firm structure of Islamic family life based on the following four fundamentals that makes morals values so enduring and enables them to outlive Western practices. They are based on Qur’anic regulations and the traditions from the life of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH), handed down from generation to generation.

1. Family life as a cradle of human society providing a secure, healthy and encouraging home for all its members.

2. Family life as guardian of the natural erotic desires of men and women, leading this powerful urge into wholesome channels.

3. Family life as the very breeding-place for human virtues like love, kindness, mercy.

4. Family life as the most secure refuge against inward and outward troubles.

An ever valid and never outgrowing aspect of Islamic family life is, however, that the strength of all the four pillars is made up by the system. And it must not be forgotten, that the benefits of family life are extended not only to blood relations but encompass also the world-wide family of Muslims, the Islamic brotherhood.

The exact meaning of the word rahim is “womb”. It is derived from the root raheem which means to have mercy on. Two of Allah’s names – Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem – are derived from the same root.

The word is used figuratively to refer to relatives.

Al-Qurtubi said:

“The family ties which must be maintained are general and specific. The general one is the relations of Islam. It is obligatory to maintain connections with them with friendly relations, advice, justice, fairness and fulfilling ones obligations to them in the obligatory and the commendable. The specific includes financially supporting family members, checking on their condition and overlooking their mistakes.”

Allah says:

“O people! Beware of your Lord who created you from a single soul and created from it its mate and spread from those two many men and women and beware of Allah in whose name you ask one another and [beware of] the wombs. Verily, Allah is ever watchful over you.” Qur’an (4:1)

Ties of blood were given importance in the jahiliya (life before Islam), but this didn’t really include women – the “causes” or “links” in family ties. Girls were murdered for fear of them being captured by opposing tribes and being a source of shame. Wives were treated as goods and “inherited” by male relatives without having any say in the matter. Women had no defined property rights. Inheritance customs of the jahiliya dictated that the male relatives – those most capable of fighting and defending the family – took everything even if the deceased left a wife and children. They would be left with nothing at all.

Islam came and changed all this and while confirming the blood ties respected in the jahiliya, Islam put much more focus on the women and gave them their rights of property, inheritance, etc., prevented their murder and named family ties after them by using the word for “womb”.

Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

“Allah has forbidden you irritating your mothers, burying your daughters, witholding and “Give me”. And He hates for you “It was said” and “He said”, too many questions and the wasting of wealth.”

Cutting family ties which should be maintained has serious consequences in this life and in the hereafter. It is one of the worst of the major sins.

Allah says:

“Those who join that which God has Commanded to be joined, and have awe for their Lord, and fear the constraint of the reckoning.” Qur’an (13:21)

So let’s obey Allah, let’s keep our blood ties. when you come to think of it, that’s what we need nowadays and forever, maintaining family ties is what implants inside us the sense of stability and spiritual peacefulness. Let’s stay close to our families and our relatives.

A Father’s Family Duties

The definition of the patriarchal family system has been the subject of various interpretations and comments in the laws of different countries. Basically the point should be discussed as to whether or not it is necessary that one should rule over the other in the bilateral partnership which is established between a husband and wife, whose goal is marital living and raising of children? And if it is necessary, then why should the husband be charged with it? Based upon individual liberty and the necessity of honoring the opinion of other persons, some believe that the family should be jointly run by both husband and wife. But other lawyers, while confirming the fact that the parties should solve their problems with mutual understanding, believe that man is more competent in the final decision owing to more social experience, and that emotional aspects interfere with his decision-making less than that of a woman. Therefore, in most countries, the husband’s rule over the family has been accepted in present civil codes. Of these, the civil codes of France, Switzerland and Italy could be mentioned which have explicitly accepted this matter. But what is meant by the patriarchal system, or as the Quran says, “Men are the maintainers of women?” (4:34). Can the husband run the family merely based upon his desires or is his power for managing the family limited to the good of the family members? Should he consider the good, comfort and prosperity of all the family members in every decision that he makes? There is no doubt that the patriarchial system is justified and acceptable only in the latter form. It can have no purpose other than this. The important point is that the husband’s rule over the family is not solely a right; rather it also has obligations entailed to it. One of the obligations that is created as a result of the patriarchal system, is the obligation to nourish. That is, the husband is obliged to provide the living necessaties of the wife and children. Why? The existence of this obligation is so that women may be able to proceed with managing the family’s internal affairs and raising the children with peace of mind. In this way, the anxiety over providing food and the basic necessities of life would not deprive them of peace of mind, which is among the ingredients of good management of the family life, the establishment of peace in the house and in the warm nucleus of the family? In this way, wives are able to give their husbands’ rest without any anxiety and with a firm heart and a peace of mind. The verdict of the obligatory nature of the man’s responsibility to pay for the expenses of the wife and children is coupled with an important guarantee. No disruption should occur in managing of the family, which might hinder women’s lives. A husband’s abuse of his wife by forcing his wife to work in order to gain the means of livelihood to pay the living costs should be prevented. In furtherance of this, Islamic jurisprudents, based upon valid documents, have proclaimed that should a husband who is capable of paying the family expenses, refrain from doing so, the wife has the right to refer to a religious arbitrator and to force the husband to pay. If the religious arbitrator does not succeed, he would order the husband to divorce his wife, for according to the rule of negation of hardship, which is one of the important rules of jurisprudence based upon reason and substantiated by Quranic verses and narrations, no verdict and the enforcing of no rights should result in difficulty and cause hardship, just as we know in the precepts governing the ritual prayers, one could perform the dry ablution instead of the minor ablution, should use of water prove to be harmful. In the legal issues and those concerning the relations between individuals, no verdict should cause loss and hardships. Since the continuation of marital life could put place the women in a difficult position in the case of non-payment of the expenses by the husband, the religious judge and the representative of Islamic society could force the husband to separate at the final point. At this point, it might be useful to state that due to the direct responsibility of man in managing the family, if he has other individuals who he must support like a mother and father and his income cannot provide the expenses of all of these people, then the wife’s expenses take precedence over other deserving relatives. With this, we observe how providing the wife’s peace of mind and living expenses is the most important obligation of the husband. In addition to supplying the material needs of the family, the husband’s running of the family must be towards creating the means of welfare and spiritual comfort of the wife and children, and not towards a dictatorial and brutal attitude. Basically a good attitude in the family has been taken to be a good criterion. It is quoted from the Holy Prophet (SAW), “The best among you is the one who has the best attitude towards his family.” Such a person, due to the responsibility, which he is charged with towards the members of his family, will expend all of his efforts for their welfare and comfort. Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to satisfy their husbands and to create an atmosphere of sincerity and serenity in the house through their good temper, mild and friendly attitude. During the time of the Holy Prophet, when one of the pure hearted and eloquent Muslim women complained about the mandate of Islam and asked why women were not allowed to participate in jihad and defense of Islam as an active soldier, the Prophet answered, “Your good behavior towards your husbands and well-management of the house is like jihad.” With this remark, the Prophet had wanted to implant the idea that men and women should pay their debt to society with each other’s help and according to the responsibilities that have been entrusted to each of them. One works in the battlefront and the other should work behind the lines. Each of them not only undertakes a part of the duties of life during war and jihad, but also during the period of peace which helps the correct management of the society through its performance and with each others help.

What is a woman? And when is she most loved by Allah? by Maulana Sadeq Hasan

Translated from an Urdu speech by Maulana Sadeq Hasan
Once the Prophet while sitting with his companions in the
Mosques poses a question to them : “What is a woman?” All of his
companions try to answer the question according to their ability.
Yet, each of the answer is being rejected as “No, that is not the
correct definition of a woman”.

The companion Salman al-Farsi who was watching all this decided to
quietly slip away from the back door of the Mosque where was the
house of the daughter of the Prophet . Salman asks Lady Fatemah
(SA) the same question that was asked by her father . Having
taken the reply from her (SA) he returns to the mosque. When he sits
on his seat again the Prophet asks him the question again and
he replies:

“Oh! Prophet of Allah I have just brought the answer from your
daughter Fatemah (SA) and she has said that ‘a woman is her hijab’ “
In other words, a second name for WOMAN is Hijab. The Prophet
was happy with this answer and said it to be the best one. Now he
asked his companions:

“Oh! My companions now tell me when a woman is the closest to Allah?”
Someone replied “When she is praying” another said “When she is
fasting” and yet others mentioned performing Hajj, giving alms and
zakat, being obedient to husband and parents. Everyone gives an
answer only to find it to be rejected. Once again Salman al-Farsi
slips out the back door to get the answer from the Chief of the Women
of Paradise (SA). On Salmans return he gives the answer that “My
master, I have once again asked your daughter for advice and she (SA)
has told me that; ‘A woman is closest to her Creator (Allah) when she
is in the inner most part of the house, that is, where the eyes of
the non-mahrams cannot reach her'”. Once again, the Prophet was
pleased with the answer given and said it to be the best one.

This is not to say that a woman should lock herself up inside the
house but it goes to show the importance of hijab and taking care to
keep oneself and ones beauty away from the eyes of those who are non-
mahrams.

The Holy Quran And The Parents

Respecting parents and showing the proper behavior towards them are issues that are considered very important to Allah (SWT). As a result, a considerable number of verses in the Holy Quran and narrations from Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) and his progeny are dedicated about parents. In browsing these verses and narrations, one may find that many of the explanations and expressions about respect to parents are very astonishing, and are not said about other topics. As stated, the treatment shown towards one’s parents has different perspectives. Our juristic-economic encounter, public behavior, obedience, and etc. are all parts of these different perspectives. Islam has not only defined the appropriate way of treating our parents in our youth, middle ages, and elderly ages, but has also given us instructions of how to conduct after they pass away. An economic advice When it comes to financial support, the Holy Quran gives an exclusive position to parents. Besides paying attention to the obligatory rights that parents hold, Allah (SWT) notes us to give the highest priority to our parents when intending to accomplish good deeds. For example, when the topic of charity is discussed in the Holy Quran, Allah (SWT) precedes parents before any other group of people, to enforce the idea that parents hold the highest priority in receiving charity (2:215). (1) Treating our parents with kindness, a kind of worship for Allah (SWT) Financial support, although is very important and significant according to the Holy Quran, is just second to showing kindness to our parents in every single aspect. (2) Doing good to our parents plays a major role in our destiny, and Allah (SWT) emphasizes the importance of appropriate behavior with parents in three verses. (3) Interestingly enough, in three other verses Allah (SWT) emphatically orders us to show kindness to our parents, immediately after commanding mankind to worship Him. The invitation of the prophets, and their word on parents Treating parents with kindness held a much-esteemed status during Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH&HP) invitation to Islam. According to the Holy Quran, when Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) was informing people of the unlawful acts, the first thing he commanded after prohibiting the people from ascribing partners with Allah (SWT) was to do good to parents. (4) From this we can conclude that after the greatest sin, which is polytheism, displeasing our parents is one of the greatest sins. Moreover, showing proper behavior towards our parents is not only advised in Islam; rather it is a common instruction that all of the holy prophets were assigned to convey to their communities. For example, the Holy Quran recalls the covenant the Sons of Israel held with Allah (SWT): “And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allah and be good to parents…”(2:83). (5) As presented in the above verse, this message was not only revealed to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP), rather it was identically revealed to all prophets. Obedience to parents, how far? Islam teaches us that we should avoid portraying an attitude that will hurt our parents. Therefore, it is not allowed to disobey them when they -out of good will and love – order us to do an act. Thus we must try to keep them satisfied. It is only under one condition that we are exempted from obeying them, and that is if their order contradicts the orders of Allah (SWT). In other words, it is only if they ask us to commit a sin or do unlawful acts that we must refrain from obeying them. Even under these circumstances, the Holy Quran reminds us to act with kindness and respect towards our parents in this transient world. (6) Mother, the symbol of unlimited pain and infinite love Allah (SWT) reminds us in the Holy Quran about some of the difficulties that mothers go through. Quran reminds us about the time that she kept us in her womb with great pain. We are reminded about the first two years after birth when she breastfed us compassionately. All these add to thirty months of pain that she handled patiently.(7) To think of all the love and caring a mother had for us throughout these years, especially after reading the teachings of Holy Quran, it is not surprising to see tears rolling down our cheeks. Not even the smallest offense! In addition to the fact that Allah (SWT) reminds us to be thankful to Him for all the things He has given us, He also teaches us to be thankful of our parents as well. (8) In fact this verse of the Quran (31:14) clarifies that since being thankful to parents is an order from Allah (SWT), it is a way of being thankful to Him. When the parents reach their elderly ages, they usually become more sensitive and less patient. They may be wrong at times and judge unfairly about their children. However, amazingly enough Allah (SWT) has asked us to be patient and kind with them especially when they get older since they need more help. Even if we are hurt by them, we must not say even the smallest word “fie”, lest it might hurt them. (9) “Fie” is the smallest means of disapproval and disagreement, which could be uttered by one who has become upset. However, Allah (SWT) has disallowed us from saying even the smallest thing that might upset our parents. Imam Sadiq (PBUH) interprets this verse (17:23) and says: “If there was any word tinier than ‘Fie’ to upset one’s parents, Allah would have banned people from using that.” (10) How should we act? So how should we treat our parents? The Holy Quran answers this question beautifully. Imagine a powerful bird that does not want to fight back. It stretches its wings and puts them on earth to show that it has surrendered. Allah (SWT) teaches us to be humble in front of our parents just like a bird that opens it’s wings on the ground.(11) Hence, we should try our best to be humble and kind to our parents; furthermore, we should try our best to protect them in anyway possible, and continuously express our love for them. Remembering parents in the best moments In addition to all of the teachings and orders of the Holy Quran, we can see that this Holy Book invites us to remember our parents in the unique moments of talking and praying to our Lord. The Holy Quran teaches us to pray for them: “O my Lord! Bless them, as they brought me up when I was little.” (12) An appropriate behavior to parents is something that almost everyone will have to deal with in his/her life. Let’s hope to truly understand what our Lord expects from us and make our best in this way; indeed He is the best supporter and the finest beloved. Footnotes : ————– 1- ”They ask you as to what they should spend in charity. Say: Whatever wealth you spend, it should be for the parents and the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer, and whatever good you do, Allah surely knows it.” (The Holy Quran, 2:215) 2- The Holy Quran, (46:15), (31:14), (29:8) 3- The Holy Quran, (17:23), (6:151), (4:36) 4- ”Say: Come I will recite what your Lord has forbidden to you– that you do not associate anything with Him and show kindness to your parents, and do not slay your children for (fear of) poverty; We provide sustenance for you and for them. Do not approach the shameful deeds, whether open or secret; and do take life, which Allah has made sacred except for the requirements of justice; This He has command you, with that you may understand.” (The Holy Quran, 6:151) 5- ”And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allah and be good to parents, and to the near of kin, and to orphans and the poor, and speak good to people, and keep up al-Salat (prayer), and give charity. Then (despite the covenant) you turned back, except a few of you, and turned aside.” (The Holy Quran, 2:83) 6- ”And if they tried that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of (but you know this is wrong), do not obey them; and keep company with them in this world kindly… ” (The Holy Quran, 31:15) 7- ”And We have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents; with trouble did his mother bear him, and with trouble did she bring him forth; and the bearing of him and the breastfeeding of him was thirty months…” (The Holy Quran, 46:15) 8- ”And We have enjoined man in respect of his parents: his mother bears him with travail upon travail, and his breastfeeding takes two years. (We enjoined him) Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual return.” (The Holy Quran, 31:14) 9- ”Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that be kind to your parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt (Fie), nor shout at them, but address them in terms of fine, correct and honorable words.” (The Holy Quran, 17:23) 10- ”The least thing that makes the parent upset is ”Fie”. If there was any word tinier than ‘Fie’ to upset one’s parents, Allah would have banned people from using that.” (Usool al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 348) 11- ”And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility…” (The Holy Quran, 17:24) 12- The Holy Quran, (17:24)

How to Make your Husband Happy

How to Make your Husband Happy

Source :themodernreligion

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed.  An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are: 


1- How to make your wife happy 


2- How to make your husband happy 



These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book. 



This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission. 



1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting





Meet him with a cheerful face. 


Beautify and perfume yourself 


Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested 


Receive him with loving and yearning sentences 


Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time. 



2. Beautify and Soften the Voice




For your  husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried) 



3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification




Taking good care of your body and fitness 


Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes 


Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells 


Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape 


Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo 


Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes 


Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time 


However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women. 



4. Intercourse




Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it. 


Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse. 


Exchange loving phrases with your husband. 


Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire. 


Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc. 



5. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted




You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job. 


You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you 


You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety. 



6. Indifference to Worldly Things




You should not consider this world as your hope and interest 


You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things 


Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah). 


Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people. 



7. Appreciation




By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them. 


The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways 


The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates? 



8. Devotion and Loyalty




In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy 


Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed. 



9. Compliance to Him




In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram). 


In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant 



10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry




First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. 


But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows: 


1- If you mistaken, then apologize 


2- If he mistaken then: 


# Keep still instead of arguing or 


# Yield you were right or 


# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.


3- If he was angry because of external reasons then: 


# Keeping silent untill his anger goes 


# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him 


# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g. 


1) You should tell me what happened? 


2) I must know what made you so angry. 


3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know


11. Guardianship While He is Absent




Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations 


Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know 


Take care of the house and children 


Take care of his money and properties 


Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab 


Refuse people whom he does not like to come over 


Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place 


Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence 



12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends




You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his  parents 


You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives 


You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife 


Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc. 


Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home. 


Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc. 



13. Admirable Jealousy




Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc. 


You should not follow or create unfounded doubts. 



14. Patience and Emotional Support




Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances. 


When you face calamities and disasters that may  happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc. 


When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise. 


When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment 



15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad




Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night. 


Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband. 


Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband. 


Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib. 


Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children. 


Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women. 


Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc. 


Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah. 


Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT. 



15. Good Housekeeping




Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged. 


Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom. 


Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods. 


Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing. 


Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way. 



17. Preservation of Finances and the Family




Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this. 


Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent. 


Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions. 



Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.


Tips for a Better Relationship Offer love and respect to each other and refrain from selfishness in your marriage life. If there is self-centeredness, it is a warning and you should try to resolve it. v Refresh your life goals very often so that your life would not be monotonous. Feeling bored and leaving the goals unrevised may cause your marriage relationships to become unstable. So, you had better solve your problems by yourself and plant new seeds of kindness and movement. Points for a Meaningful Relationship v Remind him to always say the word “ours” instead of “mine”. v Express verbally your very first feelings to him. v Talk with him while (at the same time) you are watching your favorite TV program v Receive him warmly if he comes back home early one day. v To be able to spend more time with him, hurry back home once you are finished in the work place. v Don’t make him suffer by the way you judge his interests v Celebrate the days you know are important to him v Decorate your bedroom in a pleasant manner v Prepare the foods that your husband enjoys eating v Always keep a photo of him in your purse v Send him so many love messages that he becomes fond of you. v Encourage him to develop his spiritual potentials The most important term in making a successful love is that it results in the upliftment of the two partners’ characters. The relationship between spouses is a two-way street based on sincere love, taking into consideration the freedoms of each of the two sides within the sphere of their marriage life, both being provided with the opportunities of progress and development. In this state, each of the two spouses puts as much emphasis on the other person’s progress as on his own, considering the other as part of his/her own existence. 


  

Domestic Violence in the West

Domestic Violence in the West At a time when the hostile media is incessant in its attempts to defame and ridicule Islam and the muslim woman, to portray her as oppressed and abused, the following facts should be enough to prove that the disbelieving nations are more worthy of the accusations they throw at others. “They Don’t Treat Their Women Very Well” An American Woman married to a Muslim man (visit her website) writes: I can’t tell you how many times I heard that phrase, over and again, from well-meaning friends, when they found out I was going marry a *gasp!* Muslim! I was also warned that he was just marrying me for a green card. To add insult injury, when I was planning a trip to Pakistan with my baby and to meet my husband’s family, I heard all the “Not Without My Daughter” horror stories. “Aren’t you afraid they’ll try to take your baby?” I would ask, who do you mean by “they?” The Government of Pakistan? The general populace? My husband’s family? Are you telling me that my husband’s family exists to totally screw me over and take my son? People have always been afraid of what they don’t understand. To make things worse, the perception of Muslims and Islam in western society has been totally skewed by movies and the media. “Glass Houses”. We all know the adage, “People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.” When you hear someone say something to the effect that “muslims don’t treat their women well,” then it’s time to say, “Oh, and Americans do?” Here are some statistics on spousal (or significant other) abuse, murder, and rape that men commit against their women partners, here in America, in the twenty-first century. VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES MURDER . Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence, the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends. That’s approximately 1,400 women a year, according to the FBI. The number of women who have been murdered by their intimate partners is greater than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War. BATTERING . Although only 572,000 reports of assault by intimates are officially reported to federal officials each year, the most conservative estimates indicate two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year. At least 170,000 of those violent incidents are serious enough to require hospitalization, emergency room care or a doctor’s attention. SEXUAL ASSAULT . Every year approximately 132,000 women report that they have been victims of rape or attempted rape, and more than half of them knew their attackers. It’s estimated that two to six times that many women are raped, but do not report it. Every year 1.2 million women are forcibly raped by their current or former male partners, some more than once. THE TARGETS . Women are 10 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate. Young women, women who are separated, divorced or single, low- income women and African-American women are disproportionately victims of assault and rape. Domestic violence rates are five times higher among families below poverty levels, and severe spouse abuse is twice as likely to be committed by unemployed men as by those working full time. Violent attacks on lesbians and gay men have become two to three times more common than they were prior to 1988. IMPACT ON CHILDREN . Violent juvenile offenders are four times more likely to have grown up in homes where they saw violence. Children who have witnessed violence at home are also five times more likely to commit or suffer violence when they become adults. IMPACT ON HEALTH AND SOCIAL SERVICES . Women who are battered have more than twice the health care needs and costs than those who are never battered. Approximately 17 percent of pregnant women report having been battered, and the results include miscarriages, stillbirths and a two to four times greater likelihood of bearing a low birth weight baby. Abused women are disproportionately represented among the homeless and suicide victims. Victims of domestic violence are being denied insurance in some states because they are considered to have a “pre-existing condition.” SOURCES: “Violence Against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report”, U.S. Department of Justice, Washington, D.C., January 1994. “The National Women’s Study,” Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center, Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, SC, 1992. “Five Issues In American Health,” American Medical Association, Chicago, 1991. Bullock, Linda F. and Judith McFarlane, “The Birth Weight/Battering Connection,” Journal of American Nursing, September 1989. McFarlane, Judith, et. al., “Assessing for Abuse During Pregnancy,” Journal of the American Medical Association, June 17, 1992. Federal Bureau of Investigation statistics, 1992. Sheehan, Myra A. “An Interstate Compact on Domestic Violence: What are the Advantages?” Juvenile and Family Justice Today, 1993. Sherman, Lawrence W. et al. Domestic Violence: Experiments and Dilemmas, 1990. ——————————————————————————– ——————————————————————————– * Domestic Violence accounts for a quarter of all reported violent crime. [Working Party Report, Victim Support, 1992] * Each year 100,000 women seek treatment in London for violent injuries caused in their homes. [Punching Judy, BBC TV Documentary, 1989] * Domestic Violence is not limited to physical assault. It includes sexual abuse and mental cruelty which undermine a woman’s self-esteem. [McGibbon and Kelly, "Abuse of Women in the Home", 1989] * Research conducted by Police found that 2/3 of all men believed that they would respond violently to their partners in certain situations. [Islington Council, 1994] * Almost half of all murders of women are killings by current or former partners. [National Working Party Report on Domestic Violence, Victim Support, 1992] ——————————————————————————– ——————————————————————————– From OASIS – “Opposing Abuse with Service, Information, and Shelter”. You can visit their website. Adapted from the American Bar Association. Every day 4 women are **murdered** by their husbands, boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends after reported abuse. An estimated 2 to 6 million women are battered annually in the USA. Battering is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44. One out of four pregnant women are battered. The battering may start or excalate during pregnancy. Medical expenses from Domestic Violence total at least $3 billion annually and businesses lose another $100 million in sick leave, absenteeism and productivity. One out of 7 girls is abused by her boyfriend, and many will be abused by their husbands. Every Day four women are murdered by their husbands, boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends after reported abuse. Courtship violence is wide-spread and underreported by both men and women. 30% of High School students have experienced physical or sexual violence in dating relationships. 37% of Men and 35% of Women have inflicted some form of physical aggression on their dating partners. Women sustained more injuries than men, and they were two to three times more likely to experience unwanted sexual intercourse. 95% of violent crime on Campus is alcohol or drug related. 37% of the assailants and 55% of victims of rape had used alcohol or other drugs. Husbands and boyfriends commit 13,000 acts of violence against women in the workplace every year (United States Department of Justice, 1994). Over 1.7 million women were physically abused in 1995 by their male partners, one every 12 seconds (Federal Bureau of Investigation). There were approximently 4.5 million violent crimes against women in 1992 and 1993. (The Justice Department recognizes that this is an under-estimation of domestic violence and violence against women). (Bureau of Justice Statistics’ National Crime Victimization Survey). 50% of all women will be involved in some type of abusive relationship in their life time. We could be talking about your daughters, your mothers, your wives, your girlfriends. In 95% of VIOLENT CRIMES on campuses, ALCOHOL OR DRUGS WERE A FACTOR. 30% of High School students have experienced physical or sexual violence in dating relationships. 37% of men and 35% of women have inflicted some form of physical aggression with their dating partners. For every 1 rape that IS reported, 10 are NOT reported. By the most conservative estimate, each year 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 3.) Other estimates suggest that 4 million American women experience a serious assault by an intimate partner during an average 12-month period. (American Psychl. Ass’n. Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.) Nearly 1 in 3 adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood. (American Psychl. Ass’n. Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.) In 1993, approximately 575,000 men were arrested for committing violence against women, approximately 49,000 women were arrested for committing violence against men. (American Psychl. Ass’n. Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.) Domestic violence is statistically consistent across racial and ethnic boundaries. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 3.) 90-95% of domestic violence victims are women. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259), November 1994.) Much of female violence is committed in self-defense, and inflicts less injury than male violence. (Chalk & King, eds., Violence in Families: Assessing Prevention & Treatment Programs, National Resource Council and Institute of Medicine, p. 42 (1996).) 47% of men who beat their wives do so at least 3 times per year. (AMA Diagnostic & Treatment Guidelines on Domestic Violence, SEC: 94-677: 3M: 9/94 (1994).) In homes where partner abuse occurs, children are 1,500 times more likely to be abused. (Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Assistance, Family Violence: Interventions for the Justice System, 1993.) 26% of pregnant teens reported being physically abused by their boyfriends, about half of them said the battering began or intensified after he learned of her pregnancy. (Brustin, S., Legal Response to Teen Dating Violence, Family Law Quarterly, vol. 29, no. 2, 333-334 (Summer 1995) (citing Worcester, A More Hidden Crime: Adolescent Battered Women, The Network News, July/Aug., National Women’s Health Network 1993).) Female victims of violence are 2.5 times more likely to be injured when the violence is committed by an intimate than when committed by a stranger. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 4.) Domestic violence is an ongoing cycle producing increasingly severe injuries over time, battered women are likely to see physicians frequently. (Children’s Safety Network, Domestic Violence: A Directory of Protocols for Health Care Providers (1992) p. (1).) 65% of intimate homicide victims had separated from the perpetrator prior to their death. (Florida Governor’s Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Morality Review Project, 1997, p. 47, table 17.) 88% of victims domestic violence fatalities had a documented history of physical abuse. (Florida Governor’s Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Morality Review Project, 1997, pp. 46-48, tables 14-21.) 44% of victims of intimate homicides had prior threats by the killer to kill victim or self. 30% had prior police calls to the residence. 17% had a protection order. (Florida Governor’s Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Morality Review Project, 1997, pp. 46-48, tables 14-21.) ——————————————————————————– ——————————————————————————– From the YWCA of San Diego and the Domestic Violence Research and Training Institute. You can visit their website. A female is battered every nine seconds. [California Alliance Against Domestic Violence, 1994] It is estimated that one third of all high school and college students will have been in an abusive relationship by the time they graduate. [Levy, 1992] Relationship violence is the number one cause of injury to women ages 15-44: more that rapes, muggings and car accidents combined. [Center For Community Solutions, 1997] There are three times as many animal shelters in the United States as battered women shelters. [Senate Judiciary Committee, 1990] 63% of all boys ages 11-20 arrested for murder, murdered the man who was assaulting their mother.[Center For Community Solutions, 1997] As many as 15 million women have been abused at some time during their lives. [Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, 1989] As many as one-quarter to two-thirds of battered women report abuse during preganancy.["Battered and Pregnant: A Prevalence Study," Journal of the American Public Health Association] In a prospective study of 1,200 white, Hispanic and black pregnant women, one in six reported physical abuse during pregnancy. ["Abuse During Pregnancy: A Cross-Cultural Studyof Frequent and Severity of Injuries," J. McFarlane, 1991] The average battered women is attacked three times each year. [Intimate Violence, R. Gelles and M. Straus, 1988] 22 to 35 percent of women who visit emergency departments in the United States are there for symptoms related to on-going abuse. ["Domestic Violence Intervention Calls for More than Treating Injuries," Journal of the American Medical Association, 1990] Families in which domestic violence occurs use doctors eight times more often, visit the emergency room six times more often and use six times more prescription drugs than the general population. ["Domestic Violence: A Community Crisis Waiting for an Effective Response" Seattle Domestic Violence Intervention, 1989]  Source :themodernreligion

Importance of Sajdah

Importance of Sajdah

INTRODUCTION

Tonight we are commemorating the Martyrdom of our 4th Holy Imam, Imam ‘Ali ibn al-Husayn (as). Since one of the most popular titles of this great Imam (as) was that of ‘Sayyid al-Sajideen’ meaning ‘the leader of those who perform Sajdah’, I thought that we should talk something about Sajdah and its importance.

SAJDAH

“O you who have faith! (Perform Rukoo’ and Sajdah) Bow down and prostrate yourselves, and worship your Lord and do good, so that you may be felicitous”. (22:77)

This is one of those verses in which, we, the faithful and the believers, have been commanded to perform Sajdah before Allah (SWT).

QUESTION

The question is: WHAT IS SAJDAH??

Today, if you ask any Muslim child this question, he will tell you that: Sajdah is prostration we perform in Salaat in a manner that seven parts of ones body touches the ground: the forehead, the two palms, the two knees and the two toes. The answer is correct! But, what is the in-depth meaning of Sajdah?

Firstly:

Sajdah is an action that exhibits the highest degree of humility of a creature before his Creator. When a person performs Sajdah he is basically acknowledging the fact that he is completely inferior to Allah (SWT).

{A person asked Imam ‘Ali bin Abi Talib (as) to explain the meaning of the Sajdahs in Salaat.

Imam (as) said:

When a person performs the first Sajdah, he is actually telling Allah (SWT): MINHAA KHALAQTANEE (You have created me from it i.e. dust).

Then he raises his head from Sajdah, he is telling: MINHAA AKHRAJTANEE (You have removed me from it i.e. dust).

Then again he goes into the second Sajdah implying: WA ILAIHAA TA’EEDUNEE (You will return me into it i.e. dust).

And finally when he raises his head up again, he is saying: WA MINHAA TUKHRIJUNEE TAARATAN UKHRAA (And You will remove me from it i.e. dust again for the second time)} (Bihar al-Anwaar)

Throughout the actions of performing Sajdahs the concentration is only on one fact that our creation, return and coming back to life is related to dust. We are nothing but inferior in front of Allah (SWT)!

And we acknowledge this through the kind of Dhikr that we recite in Sajdahs.

SUB-HAANA RABBIYAL A’ALAA WA BIHAMDIHI

(Glory and all praise be to my Lord who is the Most high)

Secondly:

Sajdah is the physical action, which gets the soul of a servant closer to Allah (SWT). In other words, it is through Sajdah that one attains the closest proximity of Allah (SWT). This is what Allah (SWT) Himself has said.

“Perform the Sajdah and get closer (to Me)”. (96:19)

In Tafseer of this verse, it is reported from Imam ‘Ali ibn Musa al-Ridha (as) that:

“The closest one can get to Allah (SWT) is when he is in Sajdah; this is because Allah (SWT) Himself has said, ‘Perform Sajdah and get closer (to Me)’.(Bihar al-Anwaar)

[Sa’eed bin Yasaar asked Imam Ja’ffar al-Sadiq (as), “Should I pray (for myself) when I am in Rukoo’ or in Sajdah?” Imam (as) replied: “Pray when you are in Sajdah, for verily a servant is closer to Allah when he is in Sajdah. Pray for your world and for your Hereafter”. ] (Bihar al-Anwaar)

IMPORTANT POINTS ABOUT SAJDAH

Regarding Sajdah, there are two very interesting things mentioned in the traditions.

One is that:

Whenever we perform Sajdah, we must strive to extend it as much as possible. Why? Because Sajdah reminds our enemy Iblees about his disobedience to Allah (SWT) and the reason for his banishment from Paradise.

Imam Ja’ffar al-Sadiq (as) has said, “Verily when a servant prolongs his prostrations in a manner that no one sees him, Shaytan says: ‘Woe unto me! They are obedient and I disobeyed. They prostrated and I refused’.”

(Bihar al-Anwaar)

{A group of people came to the Holy Prophet (saww) and said,

“O Messenger of Allah! Take a guarantee from your Lord that we shall enter Paradise”. The Holy Prophet (saww) said to them, “With a condition that you will co-operate with me in prolonging your Sajdahs”.} (Bihar al-Anwaar)

And the other thing is that:

The mark of prostration will always be on the foreheads of true believers. This has also been mentioned in the Holy Quran:

“Muhammad is the messenger of Allah; and those who are with him are severe against the infidels but compassionate among themselves. You will see them bowing and prostrating, seeking His grace and pleasure.

Their mark is on their faces (foreheads) from the effect of prostrations”.

(48:29)

Imam ‘Ali bin Abi Talib (as) has said,

“Verily I abhor a person whose forehead is clean and there is no mark of prostrations on it”. (Bihar al-Anwaar)

IMAM ZAYNUL-‘AABIDEEN (AS)

One of his titles was that of ‘Sayyidus-Sajideen’ meaning ‘the leader of those who prostrate’. In fact, it is reported that he (as) prostrated so much that he was called ‘Dhut-Thafanaat’. Thafanaat in Arabic means ‘lumps’.

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as) has said, “My father used to get lumps on the places on which he prostrated. He used to cut them atleast twice in a year. Every time he had to cut five such lumps hence he became known as Dhut-Thafanaat (One with lumps)”. (Bihar al-Anwaar)

It is also reported from the same Imam (as) that:

“Whenever my father ‘Ali ibnul-Husayn (as):

-Remembered any bounty of Allah, he (as) prostrated.

-Read any verse of Quran with Sajdah, he (as) prostrated.

-Feared anything or anyone, he (as) prostrated.

-He completed his obligatory prayer, he (as) prostrated.

-He made peace between two people, he (as) prostrated.

The marks of prostrations were all evident on his parts of body used for Sajdah, thus he became known as As-Sajjad”.

(Bihar al-Anwaar)

It is also reported that:

[Once our Imam (as) went to the desert. One of his slaves followed him and saw that the Imam (as) was prostrating on a coarse stone and reciting:

LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAHU HAQQAN HAQQA; LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAHU TA’BBUDAN WA RIQQA; LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAHU IMAANAN WA SIDQA

By the time the Imam (as) raised his head from Sajdah, the slave had counted that our Imam (as) had recited all these for 1000 times.] (Bihar al-Anwaar)

 

Mulla Mujahidali Sheriff

http://www.alqaem.org